My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
