he told me I talked like a deaf person
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
