they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize