Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
