Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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