Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
