I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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