hell yes lets make some ravioli
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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