i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
