if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
