My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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