sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
