I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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