i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to fling myself into the sun
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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