My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
