Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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