dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
a search helicopter?!
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
