i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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