Your tits are I can't wait for
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
