ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
