Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
too bad you live with your parents still
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
