Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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