My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
