I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
