I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize