dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
