sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
did i just pee glitter
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
