Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
