when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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