By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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