you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
