My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
