Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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