I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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