I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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