How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
