Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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