can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
And the cops told us we were all naked.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
