Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
