It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I would ride that face into the sunset
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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