Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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