I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
