There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
