I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
