the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
