I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
