those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
