I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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