Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
