Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
