I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
