So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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