I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Everclear isn't food dammit
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
