Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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