failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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