my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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