i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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