Church boner. Awkwardddd
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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