He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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